Our first week of "de schooling"

It's been a week of ups and downs! The emotions of it all hit Michael hard when we finished his last day of school and he regressed back to his default toddler behaviour. We had two solid days of tantrums and tears when I began to doubt our decision. But we have some really amazing family and friends, and they reminded me that this behaviour is exactly why we have chosen to home educate in the first place. This is why de schooling is so important. It takes time to adjust.

Life soon began to settle though and overall we have had a really positive and sociable week!
We have a mini white board that we have been using as a diary. Michael and I talk together about what we want to do for the next few days and write it down. Michael likes to write on it too!

Michael has started a diary. I don’t want to pressure him into writing everyday or anything but I thought it would be a nice way to get him recording things during the de schooling process. It’s something I intend to carry on with him if it works.

We’ve joined a home school gymnastics club. It’s fab!! Michael absolutely loves it, and it’s a really good opportunity for us both to meet other HE families. It really struck me how open and accepting (and polite!) all the children are. The idea of mixing with children and people of all ages seems so much more natural to me. Learning only with children your own age has always seemed a rather odd concept to me. Aside from gymnastics club being a good opportunity to make friends, it’s also really good for Michael’s motor skills. He has always been very clumsy. His brain finds it hard to speak to his limbs.

Steven loved it too!

Every week we have a vegetable box delivery. The boys love to open it up and see what treasures are inside. Michael likes to count how many of each vegetable we have and write it on the receipt.

Thinking about it, we’ve actually done a lot this week! - We’ve had friends to play, been to friend’s houses, read books together (LOTS of books!), built wooden railways, been to a steam railway museum, been to firework displays, walked in the woods, written in the mud, jumped in puddles, climbed trees, fed the ducks on the canal, shared cakes into quarters (that’s maths right!?!?!), played maths games, played at a soft play centre, cooked meals together, baked cakes together, watched nature programs, played with sensory toys like water beads and moon dough, set each other challenges with padlocks and bolts, visited a working Quarry, played together, cared for the chickens, played on the ipad, been to church, cut their hair, got new tyres for the car, been to kids clubs, cleaned the house together, and cuddled. And during all of this we have talked, asked and answered questions and experienced “life” together.

Home school - Preparing for life, not a test.

When I think about who I want my children to be when they grow up, I always come back to the same conclusions. I want them to be happy. I want them to have a fulfilling life, a job that inspires them, and the ability to hold down a loving relationship. I have no desire to tell them who they should be, or push them to do things purely because it is the societal norm. My dream is that they become the people they were created to be.

Both our boys are adopted, and have experienced things in life that no human should ever experience. Our eldest, Michael (names changed for privacy reasons) is five, and currently (well until today!) in year one at school. Our youngest, Steven is nearly two and therefore not at formal education age.

Michael struggles at school. He has attachment and emotional problems due to the horrible early life trauma he experienced. He also has partial foetal alcohol syndrome. Because of these things, he struggles socially, has problems with gross and fine motor skills and has a very chaotic brain that is easily overwhelmed. Despite all this, Michael is the brightest, cutest, kindest, funniest five year old boy I know (OK so I might be slightly biased!!), and I feel so very privileged to be his mother. His memory is amazing, and his understanding and thirst for knowledge never ceases to astound me. At the age of four, he was assessed as having a reading age of seven! He loves to read and he loves to learn, but when it comes to “school” he is a square peg in a round hole. The class environment overwhelms him. There is too much distraction; classrooms are stressful places and visually too much for him. The noise levels are (understandably) too high, and the politics of friendships is confusing. However, I really want to stress that our decision to home educate is in no way a reflection on his teachers, school or class. He has been blessed with really amazing teachers. But they have thirty children to teach, and a ridiculous curriculum to follow with ever changing pressures being put on them. I admire teachers greatly; they work so very very hard!

For children that fit the school mould, school can be an inspiring and encouraging place. However, for children like ours, it crushes their desire for learning and tries to force them to fit into being something (someone) that they’re not. Beatrix Potter said it beautifully herself, “Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality.”

So today, filled with fear and excitement, we have deregistered Michael from school!

Initially we will begin with a month or two of de-schooling. It’s an important part of the transition from school to home that we will all need to experience together. Basically it’s “chilling out”. We will have lots of fun and go places. The world will become our school! We’ll visit museums, galleries, historic sites. We’ll attend concerts, plays and sporting events. We’ll go to Home Ed groups and socialise with old and new friends. This experience of autonomy will be a great way to help us all embrace the benefits of homeschooling.

We have spoken and met with other home schooling families, and the biggest bit of advice has always been the same: “Don’t try and imitate school. Let their thirst for knowledge grow naturally and nurture their inquisitiveness. They will acquire a love for learning.” Already at the age of five, Michael comes home from school telling me that “writing is boring” which fills me with sadness. Why on earth children of his age are expected to sit still and write the amount they are I do not know! Apparently OFSTED are “hot on handwriting” at the moment and therefore all schools are pushing their students earlier than ever before. A lot of Europe doesn’t start formal school until the age of seven, and personally I think they have it right. By home educating, we don’t have to follow the national curriculum. We don’t have to answer to OFSTED. We get to spend every day together, learning by seeing, doing, and investigating; learning through life. Michael loves to find out how things work. He’s always asking questions and wanting to do “experiments”; this is when he truly engages. We will be able to work at a pace that suits him, not one that fits with the average of a class. We will also be able to follow the path where he takes us, and be led by his inquisitiveness.

My hope is that over all, life will become less hectic. He will no longer be expected to learn in an environment that sends his brain into chaos. During school holidays he becomes so much more relaxed and happy - it’s delightful!! This past half term break is what has given us the final push to get on and go for it. The pros well out weight the cons, and for us we hope it will make our whole family life a happier place.

We are not necessarily seeing this as a one-way road. We are well aware that it might not work, or that there may well come a time when it no longer suits. But it’s something we know we will always regret if we don’t try. 

So this is the new adventure in our life, and we are so very excited!